


Flaring Embers

by Slytheringirle



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Hogwarts Sixth Year, M/M, Slytherin Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:16:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26011000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slytheringirle/pseuds/Slytheringirle
Summary: “I care because I care about you, Harry.” Draco said. “I love you, okay? And not just as friends, I’m in love with you Harry Potter and if I can take all your pain for myself then I would. But I can’t, so I want to help you. I want you to allow me to help you, please.”
Relationships: (minor) Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Harry Potter
Comments: 8
Kudos: 154





	Flaring Embers

**Author's Note:**

> I'm aware of the medical inaccuracies in this fic, but I merely wrote this for fun even though... It's on the heavier side. The REALLY heavier side, so beware. If you have or are triggered by eating disorders and such themes then please do not read this or proceed with caution.

The candlelight was burning low in the Slytherin common room but Harry flipped the page in the novel he was reading, determined to at least finish this chapter before going to bed.

Most of his housemates have gone to bed and he was the only one in the common room, not really feeling like explaining to his dorm mates why he has to cast so many charms on his bed before he sleeps. He’ll just wait till they were asleep before doing anything.

There, however, was a cough behind him and he started before turning around to see Draco standing at the foot of the staircase leading up to the boys’ dormitories. There was a lopsided smile on his face, and he looked a bit sad as he stared at Harry. “You coming?” He asked. “It’s almost midnight.”

Harry shrugged as he sank back into the couch. “I don’t know, just let me finish this chapter.”

He heard Draco walk toward him and he sighed as he placed his finger on the page before closing the book so he won’t lose his progress. “Please, Draco.” He said as the boy sat beside him. “Go to bed, I’ll be up soon, okay?”

“Just like you ate after I left you this morning?”

Harry tensed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” But his voice was stiff and he knew Draco didn’t believe him for a second.

“I think you do, Harry.” Said Draco, redirecting his gaze so that he was looking at the snuffed out fireplace near them. “You gave me your invisibility cloak, remember? I-“

“And you used it to spy on me?” Harry hissed, turning to look at him. “Whatever happened to privacy and trust?”

“What else was I supposed to do!” Draco said angrily. “You’ve just been losing weight since last June, you barely talk anymore, and if you’re not doing homework then you’re here reading, you even quit Quidditch! Quidditch, Harry!”

“I quit Quidditch,” Harry hissed. “Because I needed to focus on my studies, and reading also helps me do that,so if you can leave me alone and mind your own fucking business I’d be grateful.” And with that he slipped his fingers out of his book -not caring about his progress anymore-, threw it on the couch and stormed upstairs.

§

The next time it happened Harry was sitting with Daphne in the library, going over a Potions essay he’d written with the help of the Half-Blood-Prince.

“Are you sure about that book?” Daphne asked, giving said book a wary look. “It’s just strange, isn’t it? Someone went to the trouble of writing all these instructions and invented spells just to leave it lying around?”

Harry shrugged. “He’s helping me, isn’t he?” He said. “It’s not like I have any hope of making it through NEWTs Potions without him.”

“Yes Harry,” Daphne said. “But he left all that information lying around, it can’t be all good, can it?”

“I’ll only use it for Potions, if that makes you feel better.” He said, not really wanting to dwell on it. He knew there was something off about the book, no matter how good it was, but there was only person he’d ever want to talk to about it and he wasn’t exactly available for a chat.

Daphne said beside him. “Fine,” she said. “But if anything -and I mean anything- even remotely bad happens because of it I’m burning it.”

Nothing will. “Alright,” he said.

Daphne gave him a sympathetic look and he wanted to turn away from it and run, run away from all those pitying, useless looks, run to where no one can find him, but then someone approached their table and he look up to see Draco approaching them, holding something wrapped in a napkin.

“Hey,” he said, sitting down with them. “What are you working on?

Daphne gestured at her Potions essay and Harry placed his own essay between the pages of the Prince’s book before closing it and putting it in his bag. He was getting out of here. “I’m going back to the common room,” he said as he stood up.

Draco stood up with him. “I’m coming with you,” he said.

“What? No. You just came, have a chat with Daphne or something.” He said, throwing his backpack over his shoulder. “I’ll see you later.” And walked away.

Barley three steps away, Draco caught up with him, and placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “I came to talk to you,” he said. “We’ll walk to the common room together.”

Harry closed his eyes and took in a breath. “Draco please don’t do this,” he whispered.

Draco didn’t say anything, just looked at him for a moment, his eyes darkening, and nodded to the library’s door. Harry rolled his eyes and followed him outside, a thousand excuses to walk away racing through his mind.

Once they were outside, Draco turned to him and held out the napkin. “I got you a Croissant,” he said. “Since you missed dinner. Eat it.”

Harry glared at him. “I’m not hungry,” he said and resumed walking. “You said you wanted to talk- talk.”

Draco gritted his teeth beside him. “Not before you eat this,” he said.

“I guess we have nothing to talk about then, go back to Daphne. I can walk myself to the common room.”

He felt Draco stop beside him and turned to meet the glaring blond. “We have a lot to talk about,” he hissed. “And you will eat the Croissant or I’m going to a teacher.”

“Oh yeah? And tell them what, ‘Harry missed a meal’?”

“A meal?” Draco said, his voice rising to nearly a shout. “You haven’t eaten since yesterday! Are you trying to kill yourself?”

Maybe I am, what’s it to you? “If you’ve been watching me,” Harry hissed. “Then you’ll also know I’ve been taking nutrition potions. So go force yourself on someone else.”

And with that he walked away, his steps nearing a gallop in his hurry to get away from Draco. He didn’t exactly want to kill himself, but he wouldn’t mind if it happened. And it would happen, he thought as he slowed down near a staircase, because the nutrition potions were only good enough to get him through classes, nothing more. He still had to wear four layers to feel remotely warm, still had to magically heat his bed so he could stop shivering at night, and still took pills so he could sleep. He referred to muggle ones so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion by asking for sleeping potions every night, but the nutrition ones were easy enough to get.

He muttered the password to Salazar Slytherin and stepped into the buzzing coming room, filled with students from all years lounging happily and exchanging latest gossip. Of course, there always was the threat of Voldemorts, but here it was like he had no power. No one could touch a good gossip mood.

As he walked up to his dormitory and closed the curtains around his bed, he realised Draco never followed him.

§

The third time he was walking sitting on the Quidditch stands while everyone was having dinner. He’d just come down from a flight that had helped ease his mind and was appreciating the magic of the field at night when he felt someone slip in beside him. He didn’t need to look up to see that it was Draco.

“Shouldn’t you be at dinner?” He asked, not looking at him.

“Shouldn’t you?”

Harry didn’t answer, he just looked at a snowflake as it fell from darkness and melted the moment it hit the ground. He wished he could disappear as easily.

“He wouldn’t want you to do this, you know.” Draco said.

“Well I’ll never really know, will I?” Harry snapped back.

Draco’s voice was quiet when he answered. “It might still happen,-.”

Harry snorted. “I’ve given up hope long ago, you shouldn’t hold on for my sake.”

He then stood up, but Draco got up with him and stood in front of him, blocking his way out. “But I want to,” he said. “I want to hold on for your sake and maybe, one day, it will happen.”

“Why? Why do you care if it happens or not, it’s not like-”

“I care because I care about you, Harry.” Draco said. “I love you, okay? And not just as friends, I’m in love with you Harry Potter and if I can take all your pain for myself then I would. But I can’t, so I want to help you. I want you to allow me to help you, _please_.”

Harry’s throat closed up on him, and he fought back tears as he tried to speak. “Don’t,” he said. “Don’t tell me you love me. Because that’s what he told me last time I saw him and look where it got him. I don’t want anyone to love me, okay? I don’t know how this summer would’ve gone if I hadn’t been sent back to the Dursleys, if I hadn't spent it with someone who hated me.”

He held up a hand when Draco was about to talk, blinked hot tears, and continued. “And I’m glad I spent it with them, they told me, let me know for a fact that no good comes to anyone who loves me. I’ve accepted that and am learning to live with it, so please, please don’t tell me you love me. I’m a walking target, and the people closest to me are just target practice. They’ll get rid of as many of you as they can, and I’d rather there'd be none. Now excuse me.”

He pushed past Draco and made his way to the changing rooms, only to be stopped by Draco’s once again. “People love you Harry,” Draco cried from the stands. “No matter how many people you want to push away, you’ll never be able to push away their love. I know your friends love you: Weasley, Granger, Daphne, Zabini and Pansy. I know all the Weaselys love you too, the Greengrasses also adore you and I know for a fact the Mr.Lupin fought for custody of you, but was denied repeatedly, and despite Dumbledore’s interferences, only because of his condition. These people love you and you’ll never, ever, be able to push them away. They’ll always be there for you whether you like it or not. They’ll hurt when you hurt and be happy when you’re happy. I know your godfather loved you -hell, loves you, and I know that if given the choice he’d do it all over again simply because he loves you. He fell doing what he wanted and you have no right beating yourself up over it like that. Hell Harry, I love you, and I know I’d do the same for you whether you like it or not. But please, and I’m begging you here, don’t make the people who love you watch as you slowly kill yourself. Don’t make me watch.” He said the last part quietly, his voice barely a croak, but Harry heard it all the same and he couldn’t stop the tears as they poured down his face this time and he fell onto his knees, sobbing.

“I just wanted someone to blame,” he sobbed and he was aware of Draco coming over to him and kneeling on the ground beside him, wrapping him in a hug. “It made it easier, you know? I wanted to focus my anger, my hatred, my grief on someone, on something, and I- I don’t know. It just made sense to take it out on myself. It’s my fault after all, isn’t? He wouldn’t have been there if I hadn’t been there. He wouldn’t have been there if I had practiced Occlumency as I was told, as he told me. It was just a coping mechanism, and I tried to stop, I really did, but I couldn’t. It just made sense to not eat, it made perfect,crystal clear, sense. And it kind of works, you know? It distracts me and that’s it, isn’t it? I just need a distraction until I don’t have to deal with it anymore.”

“But you do have to deal with it, Harry,” Draco said, hugging him closer to his chest. “You have to deal with it so you can move on. And you’re right, it might never happen. Your godfather might never wake up, so you have to start moving on. I know it’s what he would’ve wanted.”

“I know,” Harry sobbed into Draco’s chest, the sound choked and strangled. “I know,” he repeated, quieter this time. “I know.”

§

They were copying down notes in Transfiguration when Harry leaned into Draco’s space. “I’ll get help,” he said, after having thought it over a thousand times. “If you get help.”

Draco froze mid-sentence, and didn’t look up from his parchment when he asked. “Get help for what?”

“I know Voldemort marked you,” he said, and tried not to wince when Draco flinched at the name. “I know he expects you to do something, and I know it’s an impossible task.” He said and then repeated himself. “If you get help, then I will too.”

Draco didn’t reply, just stared at the parchment a moment longer before resuming copying from the board. Harry didn’t bring it up again.

§

Two weeks before Christmas break, Draco came up to Harry in the library when he was finishing a DADA essay for Snape. He sat down beside him and read Harry’s essay over his shoulder for a bit before speaking. “How do I get help?” He asked.

Harry looked at him sideways and gave him a crooked smile. “Dumbledore.”

§

Narcissa Malfoy was taken out of Malfoy manor a week before the Christmas holidays and from what Dumbledore told Harry, transported to Grimmauld Place -which was still being used as headquarters. After Draco received the news too, he turned to Harry.

“I’ve done my part of the deal,” he said. “Now it’s your turn.”

Harry looked at his DADA book and nodded shortly. He’d known that Draco was going to call on him for it, knew that he was going to have to do it eventually, but that didn’t mean it would make it less scary when it happened.

“I’m scared,” he admitted. “I’ve tried before and failed, who’s to say I’ll succeed this time?”

Draco wrapped an arm around his shoulder and plucked the DADA textbook from his hands with the other. “No one,” he said. “There’s no guarantee that this time will be it, or otherwise. What matters is that you’ll be trying and I’ll be there to get your through it. As will Mr.Lupin.”

“He doesn’t know,” Harry whispered.

“He’s in the Order, isn’t he?” Draco said. “He’s going to be there for meetings and for you-”

Harry shook his head. “No,” he said, trying not to let the panic seep into his voice. “I can’t go back there, I don’t want to go back there. Don’t make me, please.”

“Harry-” Draco took a deep breath before starting again. “Do you have anywhere else to go?”

“I’ll stay here,” he said firmly. Sirius had hated that house, had only set foot in it again because it was a suitable place for headquarters. He half wished he could go to their home in Yorkshire, but also didn’t want to go to an empty house. It had been hard enough to go get his stuff, he couldn’t bear to face it again.

Draco sighed. “Fine, I’ll stay with you then.”

“What?” Harry turned to look at him, causing him to let go of their embrace. “No! Go see your mum! If she doesn’t see you she’ll start to think the Order is keeping you away from her.”

“And what about you?” Draco hissed. “Am I supposed to just leave you here? How will I know you’ll eat anything in these two weeks? My mother can manage.”

Harry looked at him for a moment before snapping his mouth shut. “Fine,” he gritted, getting to his feet. “I’ll go to Grimmauld Place, but then it will be one full meal a day, nothing more.”

He knew it was low, but he couldn’t deal with both Grimmauld Place and eating.

§

Two days before Christmas break, Harry was pulled out of class by Professors Snape and Dumbledore.

“Potter,” said Snape without any preamble. “We received from St.Mungo’s -Harry’s heart clenched at that please let it be good news, he thought please, please, please- that your godfather has woken up. W-”

“Really?” He asked breathlessly, unable to keep the grin from his face. And why would he? “Are you sure?”

Snape sneered at him before giving a sharp nod. “I’m sure,Potter. It was my duty as your Head of House to inform you of this, the rest Professor Dumbledore will tell you.” And with that he turned and walked down the hall, disappearing after a turn.

Harry turned to Dumbledore, trying not to think about what Snape had said -and failing miserably. “The rest, Professor?” He asked.

Dumbledore looked at him with those twinkling blue eyes, and when he smiled Harry allowed himself a sigh of relief. “Yes, Harry.” He said. “I am to inform you that you are free of your classes for the rest of the day and if you wish I can take you to St.Mungo’s right now.”

“I - Yes, of course Professor,” he said. “Should I go put my bag away?”

Professor Dumbledore looked at him with those twinkling blue eyes and nodded with a smile. “Of course, Harry.”

Harry gave him a smile and ran to the Dungeons, not caring that he was breaking a rule in front of the headmaster. If he had been paying any attention, however, he would’ve noticed that the twinkle in those eyes was dimmed.

§

Harry and Dumbledore portkeyed to St.Mungo’s, attracting quite a few curious gazes as they walked through the lobby to the elevator. Harry didn’t heed them any attention as he pressed the button to the fourth floor -Spell Damage- and had to restrain himself from bolting out of the elevator when they arrived with a ding.

He and Dumbledore walked through the hallways, making a few left then right turns before stopping in front of the room Harry knew was Sirius’s.

“He’s in there?” He asked softly.

“Yes, Harry.” Dumbledore said. “I believe he is.”

Harry reached out to open the door and paused, turning to Dumbledore. “Will you be coming in with me Professor, or-?”

Dumbledore shook his head and stepped back. “No Harry,” he said. “I believe you two deserve some time alone, I’ll wait here for a bit before talking to Sirius myself, and I’ll come pick you up after dinner time.”

Harry nodded at Dumbledore before turning back to the door. He turned the knob and slowly opened the door, peering in.

Sirius’s bed was in the centre of the room, just as it had been last time, but now Sirius was propped up against pillows and was flipping through a magazine, looking bored. When Harry opened the door wider, it creaked, and Sirius looked up to see him. His face broke into a grin and he beckoned Harry over. Harry stepped in and closed the door, working hard to restrain himself from jumping on his godfather and enveloping him in a bone crushing hug.

“Harry,” Sirius grinned as he enveloped Harry in a gentle hug. Sirius then tightened the hug and Harry felt him wince.

He stepped back and looked at Sirius. “Are you okay?” He asked. “Should I call someone? I’ll go-”

Sirius shook his head. “No I’m okay,” he said. “They said the pain will linger for a while, there’s nothing they can do about it. How have you been?”

Harry sat down at the bed beside Sirius, his hand still in his godfather’s. “I- I’m okay,” he said. “Things have been a little weird, but-”

“You’re managing?” Sirius said with a small smirk.

Harry nodded.

“Is that why you feel like a skeleton?”

Harry tensed. “What?”

Sirius sighed. “Harry I just hugged you,” he said. “I’ve never seen you thinner, not even after I picked you up from your relatives’. Have you been starving yourself?”

“I- I don’t know what you mean,” he said, fully knowing that Sirius won’t buy it.

He didn’t. Sirius just looked at him.

“I’ve just been playing a lot of Quidditch,” he said at last. “It made me lose weight.”

“And that’s all?” Sirius asked with a raised eyebrow.

Harry flushed under his gaze. “I- What do you want me to say?” He snapped. “What happened happened, I’ll start eating if that’s what you want.”

Sirius pursed his lips. “We’re not done talking about this,” he said. “And you will eat. Right now, they’ll bring lunch soon and I’ll order you a full meal and you’ll eat it all.”

Harry looked away. He’s been in a coma for six months, and that’s the first he says to him? “Fine,” he said.

Sirius placed a hand on his cheeks and lifted his head so that they were looking at each other. “I’m doing this because I love you Harry,” he said. “Not for any other reason.”

Harry nodded and averted his eyes, don’t say you love me. “When will they release you?” He asked. If they didn’t let him go soon then at least he knew where he’ll be spending Christmas.

“We’ll also talk about this later,” said Sirius. “But now talk to me. How’s everything? How are you doing in school? How are your friends? What did you and Remus do over the summer?”

“I-,” this was not how he’d managed their first conversation. “Everything’s alright,” he said. “School’s fine, my friends are alright. Ron and Hermione finally started dating, did you know?” He asked.

Sirius barked a laugh at that. “So they finally figured it out, huh?” He said. “Took them long enough. What about you and Draco?”

Harry looked at him. “What?”

Sirius smirked at him. “Come on,” he said. “You two also have it in for each other,” he said. Did you not realize it yet?”

Harry felt his cheeks warm and cursed himself for it. “Draco did confess his feelings,” he admitted shyly. “But we didn’t go anywhere beyond that.”

“And why’s that?”

“Can we not talk about that?”

“Of course not,” Sirius laughed. “Come on,” he said. “Tell me everything.”

Harry sighed. And told him. He told him about how he’d been behaving at the beginning of the term, how Draco had been trying to get him to eat -he couldn’t see a way out of admitting that, and so what if he admitted it? Sirius was okay now, he can start eating again-, how he’d noticed Draco sneaking away quite a lot. How Draco had confronted him on the Quidditch stands and how he’d broken down. How he’d made a deal with Draco during Transfiguration, and how there really hadn’t been time for a relationship between all that. He also told him about the Half-Blood-Prince, about how Snape kept giving him detentions for no reason and how he had actually quit Quidditch.

“Well, it's Christmas now,” Sirius said. “I’ll make sure you two have a mistletoe to kiss under.”

He had stopped Harry during the explanation a few times to interrogate him about his eating habits, and wouldn’t let Harry continue with anything until he promised to start eating again, to ask for help when he needed it.

Harry grinned at him. “Does that mean they’ll release you by Christmas?”

Sirius's expression closed off at that and Harry’s heart clenched. “Sirius?” He asked, his voice laced with unhidden fear.

“I told you we’d talk about that, didn’t I?” Sirius said, and Harry nodded. “Well,” he said. “When Bellatrix hit me with that spell it pushed me through the veil as you know.” Harry nodded. “They’ve been slowly healing the damage caused by her curse and I’m completely cured of it now, hence my waking up.”

“But?” Harry prompted, scared.

Sirius cast him a weak smile and pulled him in for a hug. “Sirius?” Harry asked against his godfather’s chest. Tears were welling up in his eyes and he was trying his best to blink them back. “You’ll be okay, right?”

Sirius squeezed him before pulling back, but didn’t completely let go of him. “That Veil you pulled me out of, Harry, was the Veil of death. It’s what separates us from the dead and no one who had fallen through it had ever re-emerged.

“You didn’t completely fall through it,” Harry said, looking at him. “I pulled you out before you did.”

“I know,” said Sirius gently. “But my upper fell through it, and I got damaged from that. It’s nothing they’d ever seen before. They’ve tried various spells and have called in international healers. There’s nothing they can do.”

“So?” Harry said blankly. “We can look for other healers, I’m sure they didn’t cover everyone.”

“There’s also a point where nothing is effective anymore,” Sirius said. “Where nothing you can do will work, Harry.”

“What are you saying?”

Sirius closed his eyes and took a breath. “They say I have two weeks at the most.”

“I don’t understand,” he said.

Sirius opened his eyes. “Don’t you?”

Harry shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re trying to say.” He choked on unshed tears. “You’re lying.”

Sirius pulled him in once again, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I don’t want you to-”

Tears rolled down Harry’s cheeks and he shook his head more vigorously. “I don’t believe you,” he repeated, his voice a strangled sob. “You’re lying.”

“Harry-”

“You can’t do this!” He yelled, pulling back from Sirius’s hold. “You can’t just come back and go again! It’s not a game! You either stay, or leave! It’s- It’s not-”

His voice broke down into sobs, each one harder than before. “You can’t, it’s not fair, why is it always-”  
Sirius gathered him in his arms and hugged him tight. He rubbed his hand over Harry’s back, murmuring soothingly to him. He didn’t hear what he was saying, and he hated himself for not doing so, hated himself their time together by crying, by burdening Sirius like this when he was the one that was- who was-

“It’s not true,” he said once again, after all the rage, anger and denial has left his body. “You’re just joking, right?”

Sirius hugged him tighter.

Harry wasn’t really aware of the passage of time after that, but remembered Sirius wiping his tears away and telling him to go get something from the cafeteria while he talked to Dumbledore, who had knocked on the door and asked to talk to Sirius privately.

Harry did as he told numbly, not really aware of anything. He nodded at the few people that gaped at his scar and he made a detour to pass Nevielle’s parents. Mrs.Longbottom was fascinated by some napkin while Mr.longbottom was tugging at his bedsheets.

He didn’t say anything, just stared at them, and left. As he walked away, he couldn’t help but think that Nevielle at least had his grandmother, Harry had no one.

At the cafeteria he just got a bottle of water before heading back to Sirius, not thinking he could stomach anything at the moment and vowing to start working on his promise to Sirius soon. When he reached his godfather he briefly knocked on the door before entering, not waiting for an answer. Dumbledore could talk to him any time wanted, he had known Sirius since he was eleven anyways, Harry only really got to know him two and a half years ago, and now-

“Harry,” Sirius said the moment he closed the door behind him. Harry looked up at him questioningly. “Did you spend the summer at the Dursleys’?”

Harry looked from Dumbledore to Sirius and then back to Sirius. He nodded.

Sirius turned back to Dumbledore, rage flickering in his eyes and Harry saw Dumbledore prepare himself for a shouting match - a one sided one.

“Sirius,” Harry said quietly. “It doesn’t really matter now,” he said. “Please don’t waste time on it.”

Sirius looked at him for a moment, his expression dark, before nodding. “You won’t return there next summer,” he vowed, and Harry believed him.

Harry didn’t go back to school that day, nor the day after. He refused to leave Sirius’s side, even when the nurses threatened to kick him out and ban him from this room. On the third day, Sirius finally managed to convince him to go to Grimmauld Place -were he’d had his things taken on Sirius’s pleas- to shower and change.

When he came back, he was accompanied by Draco, Mrs.Malfoy and the Weasleys. They all greeted Sirius merrily and chatted with him for the majority of the day. As far as Harry was aware, only the adults knew about Sirius’s two weeks. After the Weasleys left -promising to return on Christmas and even once before that- Remus arrived, when there was only Draco and Mrs.Malfoy left.

He had hugged Sirius and sobbed into his shoulder -Harry, Draco and Mrs.Malfoy left to give them privacy here, and as they stood outside, Draco took Harry’s hand and asked him for a walk around the hospital.

“My mother told me,” he said quietly.

Harry didn’t need to ask about what.

The hospital was decorated for the Holidays and he had to admit it gave the place a bit of a cheer. There was even a bit of mistletoe hung over in a corner and Harry pulled Draco there and kissed him hard. When they pulled back, breathless, Harry said. “I never answered you back then,” he said. “In November, when we, er, talked on the Quidditch stands.”

Draco laughed. “Talking is one way to put it.”

Harry indulged him and laughed. “But I do love you,” he said. “I know it’s a big thing to say after a first kiss, but it’s true, I love you.”

Draco pulled him in for another kiss. “I said it first,” he murmured into Harry’s lips. “Didn’t I? I love you too, Harry Potter.”

When they went back to Sirius’s room, Mrs.Malfoy and Draco bid them goodbye before leaving the three of them alone.

Sirius and Remus sat Harry down and told him that Remus won’t be able to get custody of Harry, so they asked him to spend just the summer in Grimmauld Place, where the ministry won’t be able to interfere with his living situation. Harry nodded and hugged them both, not really caring where he was to spend his first summer after Sirius’s inevitable - departure.

Harry then told them about how he had kissed Draco under the mistletoe, blushing when he told them about their ‘I love yous’ and smiling when he promised he wasn’t rushing anything. They spent the rest of the evening talking mindlessly, not really caring about topics and enjoying each others’ company.

Harry was slowly starting to eat again, he wasn’t fully comfortable with eating a whole meal yet, but he slowly got accustomed to the idea of eating. Sometimes he’d run away and throw the food up, so Sirius and Remus had made a rule about sitting together for an hour after each meal. One day, when he was coming back from a bathroom break, he’d heard Remus promise Sirius to take care of Harry after his- he’s gone. He’d told him to not let him go even after he’d come of age and he finally turned away when they kissed.

The rest of that week passed by in a blur consisting of redheads and blonds and laughter. On Christmas morning, Harry had woken up to Sirius screaming in pain and was pulled out of the room by Remus as the nurses rushed in to take Sirius away to the surgery room.

When he emerged from surgery three hours later, he was barely conscious. They told them that he’d be lucky to remain like that till- till the end of the two weeks, that this was the best they could do to him. Harry had ended the night screaming into Remus’s chest.

Sirius spent the majority of the second week heavily sedated, and barely able to speak from the pain when he wasn’t, but sometimes he’d pull through long enough to just have a conversation with one of them before fading into unconsciousness. Harry asked Remus why it had hit all of a sudden and Remus told him it had always been there, but Sirius had been under strong painkillers, for Harry’s sake he’d admitted quietly. Until they didn’t work anymore.

§

Sirius passed away January sixth, at three in the morning. Harry had been woken up by a shaking Remus and led out of the empty room quietly to an office where Remus had explained everything. He’d numbly packed the belongings he’d managed to scramble around Sirius’s hospital room in the last two weeks and flooed to Grimmauld Place, where he spent the rest of the day in haze between Draco’s and Remus’s arms.

The next day Remus pulled him aside to talk about funeral arrangements. Harry said he didn’t want anything to do with the funeral, didn’t even want a funeral and Remus pulled him close and murmured ‘I know Harry, I know’. But being a werewolf, it turned out, meant you couldn’t even plan your lover’s wedding if they had an heir named after them. Remus promised him he’ll plan everything himself if that’s what Harry wanted, but Harry himself would have to be present to make it official.

“You have to eat,” said Draco.

They were sitting at the kitchen table in Grimmauld Place, facing a cold breakfast. The school term had started this morning, but Harry had been excused for the rest of the term, the teachers told him they’ll just count his marks from before Christmas. He’d nodded and thanked them for the arrangements before going back to his bedroom, where he’d taken to spending most of his time.

Draco had taken permission to stay with him till after the funeral, which was tomorrow, but then he’ll have to return to school.

“I know,” he said. And he did want to eat, he’d promised Sirius after all. “But it’s not easy,” he admitted. Sirius was gone- really gone, and he would never see him again, never have to suffer the embarrassment of being called ‘pup’, never have to put up with a Sirius trying to match-make him with his colleagues' children, never hear him laugh, never wish him a happy birthday or a merry Christmas and eating seemed like such a trivial, selfish human thing that it disgusted him.

“One step at a time,” Draco murmured. “Remember?”

Harry nodded and took a bite of the porridge, forcing it down his throat. Selfish, trivial, disgusting… The words echoed in his mind from all directions and he didn’t realise he’d been saying them out loud until Draco hugged him and denied it all.

§

The funeral took place in a small, ancient wizarding cemetery in London. Draco explained that this was where all pure bloods were buried: a wizarding cemetery in the city of their death.

He’d just nodded, not trusting himself to speak. It was a Friday morning and his friends have been excused from their classes to attend the funeral. Remus had ensured that it would be a private gathering, not wanting to attract the media’s attention with Sirius’s past. Harry had hugged him and thanked him profusely for taking care of it all, Remus had just shaken his head and said that it was his job and Harry wouldn’t have even needed to sign those papers if not for the stupid laws. That at least had drawn a laugh from Harry.

Harry didn’t remember much of the funeral later on, just that there had been a few eulogies and people had gotten up to place things in Sirius’s casket. He hadn’t joined the, in honor of one of Sirius’s last wishes.

During one of the few occasions where he was conscious in that last week, Sirius had asked Harry to not look in his casket at the funeral.

“I don’t want to be a cool corpse in your memory,” he’d said, barely able to hide the wince of pain in his voice as he stroked Harry’s head. “Life is too short to be remembered like that.”

Harry had nodded through his tears, which Sirius had been vainly trying to wipe. “I also don’t want you to blame yourself for any of this.” But wasn’t this the hard part, Sirius? “And remember, pup, I love you.” Not that again, please.

That was the last coherent conversation they’d had.

§

After a few weeks, Harry returned to school. Remus had had to leave for a mission and Harry couldn’t face an empty house, so he’d asked to go back to Hogwarts.

He wasn’t able to pay full attention in any of his classes and hadn’t been able to complete assignments regularly, but the teachers had thanked him for his effort and asked him not to worry.

Sometimes everything was easy, normal, but sometimes the grief would hit from nowhere and he’d break down in the middle of a conversation. Draco was always there to hold him through it and to force him to eat when he couldn’t himself. Eventually, Draco had contacted Remus and asked him to take Harry to a mind healer.

Harry saw the healer twice a week and slowly, he began to feel better, but he was nowhere near over it. By the time June arrived, he was laughing and joking again, but he’d have his moments. When he went back to Grimmauld Place with Draco, Mrs.Malfoy and Remus, he’d asked to visit Sirius’s grave.

They went at night, when the city was at its quietest and the stars at their brightest. As they neared the sleek stone tombstone, Harry took the bouquet of flowers from Draco and sped up his space, so that he was the first to arrive at the grave.

He knelt down and placed them in front of the tombstone.

_Sirius Black_

_Born: 3rd November 1959_   
_Died: 6th January 1997_

_Beloved godfather, friend, brother and son_

_The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death_

“Thank you for everything,” he murmured as tears fell down his cheeks. “You gave me a home, a family and love. I’ll never forget that Sirius, and will never forget you.” A son escaped him. “I hope you’re happy wherever you are, and I love you too.”

He felt Draco kneel down beside and hold out his hand in silent support. He accepted it.

§

As the foursome made their way out of the graveyard, a single star in the sky glistened brighter than the rest, for a moment, before returning to its usual glimmer.

**Author's Note:**

> Um... Thoughts? Believe it or not, I created this document in the hopes of writing FLUFF, but then this happened. I planned to have Sirius well and alive, but then I was like nah he's in a coma but it's okay I'll ship him off to France when he's awake for rehab, but then I was like nah... we ain't got time for that. I also tried not to make anyone OC but I guess it had to happen one way or the other :/ Sorry if this made you cry, but your reviews would appreciated :) (No hate though and I wrote it for fun so no heavy criticism please)


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